Have you ever felt yourself holding on when you thought you should be letting go?
Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.
— The Wonder Years
In my last post I ruminated about “Guarding”. Today I’m still thinking about that but I’m looking at it from a different perspective. You see, lately I’ve noticed that I often sit with my arms tightly folded and I’ve excused myself by saying I was cold. But now I think not. I think at some semi-conscious level I’m holding myself together, protecting myself from falling apart… If you will, I’m just practicing another form of guarding.
Lagging Behind
I feel like I’m lagging behind my expectations. PattiAnn would probably tell me I’m being too hard on myself. And maybe I am. Still, I feel like I’m stuck on a plateau – languishing, going neither up nor down, wandering about the edges of here and now. I can’t return to the old “norm” and I haven’t yet carved out handholds for scaling the “new” norm. I’m in the dreaded “in-between”… (Hmmm, have I just coined a new “stage” in life, sorta like being a “pre-teen”?)
About a month ago I wrote in my journal:
I think I’m exiting this grieving tunnel. Not sure. But at least for the moment, feeling whole and thinking about priorities and goals and future. Looking backward still, but in a different way than before. Trying hard to do it with affection and joy instead of loss and sadness. Mostly that’s working.
Now all I have to do is simply… what? Get on with my life. Oh. That’s all. Yikes. Continue reading » Holding On
Are you carrying around excess baggage? How do you know what’s “just enough”?
As always, we love hearing from you! E-mail me at Ellie@BouncebackCafe.com or leave a comment at the end of this post.
Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.
— Charles Dudley Warner
Carry Only What You Need
As I contemplate these last few days of 2009, I’ve been thinking about this last year, and in anticipation of next year’s adventure, I’ve started wondering about all the baggage I’m carrying with me.
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago we took our young family backpacking into the rugged California High Sierras where we enjoyed relative solitude, clear mountain lakes, running springs and every once in a while, the treat of a hot springs dip. It was amazing! We didn’t do this just once, we did it several times. (Yeah, we were a bit daft. But we sure had fun!)
Experts advise – carry only what you need. Oh boy, are they right about that! We quickly learned, as we organized the family troop for our high sierra treks, ounces add up. Figuring out how to Continue reading » Just Baggage Enough
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
— Unknown
For the recent holiday weekend I proclaimed myself a four-day-weekend and set about doing a myriad of tasks that used to be either “he or we” projects, never mine alone… I was busy, busy, busy. I was “letting go”.
Letting Go Ain’t for the Faint of Heart
Letting go takes a lot of work and determination. It’s MUCH easier to just let things be. But I knew that moving on, transitioning “from we to me”, required doing “what don’t come easy”… and I, not someone else, needed to do the choosing: keep or let go?
It Was a Close Call
There was a point when I despaired of ever making any decisions, I just couldn’t bear to let go of anything no matter what it was. So how’d I power through? Continue reading » Busy, Busy Days on the Way to Letting Go
Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.
— Eskimo Proverb
Today, we got a new kitten. Actually, we didn’t choose to get a kitten. He (unnamed at this point) seems to have gotten separated from his mother, possibly by a coyote. One of the neighbors heard him crying early this morning because he had climbed into the nice, warm engine compartment of a nearby car. After trying to get him to leave the car by turning on the engine, they finally had to sound the horn to get him to give up his “safe” place.
Sometimes, when you need a writing inspiration, God provides. Here is this darling kitten, so small we’re not sure that Continue reading » Using Hope to Mend Our Lives
- I don’t know what it is
- But it just won’t quit.
- …
- Is this a blessing or is it a curse?
- Does it get any better?
- Can it get any worse?
- Will it go on forever?
- Is it over tonight?
- Does it come with the darkness?
- Does it bring out the light?
- There was a time when I knew just what I was living for.
- …and the time was so long ago.
It Just Won’t Quit
— Meat Loaf
When I’m feeling melancholy, I soothe my battered soul listening to Meat Loaf’s CD, Bat Out of Hell II: Back into Hell . And to paraphrase the lyrics:
- There was a time when I knew just what I was living for…
- There was a time and the time was NOT so long ago.
Earlier this week I advocated turning a blind eye to the flaws in broken and damaged works of art… choosing instead to relish the beautiful imperfections that abound in our lives. And, YES, as you might have surmised, I wrote that post, Broken But Beautiful, as a message from me to myself. I folded it up, stuffed it in this blog – and sent it out with the tide, hoping my inner critics would walk upon the sands of time and get the message.
And STILL there’s this voice SHOUTING in my brain – THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD PLANNED! I need a “pop-up blocker” in my head that prevents the willy nilly appearance of Continue reading » NOT What I Had Planned
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