How do you live inside hope?
…if you’re lucky, you’ll find a way to live inside hope, running down its hallways touching the walls on both sides.
— Barbara Kingsolver
Puts me in mind of the time I learned to dance on a moving log…
Hope arouses a passion for the possible.
— William Sloan Coffin
There I was, arms flailing in a desperate attempt to stay upright on the suspended rough hewn pine log… consumed with the fear of falling… ready to give up almost before I’d begun… Continue reading » Touching the Walls on Both Sides
When in doubt, just take the next small step.
— Regina Brett
90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland
I’ve just finished Called Out of Darkness – A Spiritual Confession by Ann Rice. It is beautifully written with wonderful descriptions of New Orleans, Catholic liturgy and the Catholic Churches of the 1940s and ’50s. It was amazing to me both how different from, and how similar to mine, were her experiences.
In the middle of my listening to her book, all of the hubbub about Rice leaving the Catholic Church AGAIN became the subject of much discussion both on talk shows and on the internet. Listening to her describe her complete devotion to Christ and the Catholic Church at the end of the book and then reading her comments online made me feel very sad for her. But more than anything else, it made me envious of her certitude. I don’t know that I’ve ever been as certain as she is of all four stances that she took; first as a devoted Catholic, then as a certain atheist, then as an even more devoted Catholic and finally (at least for now) certain that she can no longer be Continue reading » Faith and Doubt
I’ve tried yoga but I find stress less boring.
— Anonymous
Have you ever had a meltdown? You know what I mean… extreme stress, the heebie jeebies, sour stomach, wanting to scream and/or beat on someone. Your mind is a jumble of useless thoughts ricocheting all over the place from one catastrophe to the next one – none of which have actually occurred.
Some days, we seem more susceptible to mental meltdowns. The really uncomfortable part is the feeling that there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to let it run its course and then, once it passes, you’ll feel better. I have an alternative suggestion – Re-Boot!
Ctrl-Alt-Delete
Having spent a significant part of my life as a computer nerd, there’s one thing I know how to do really well: Continue reading » How to Recover from Mental Meltdowns
Have you ever felt yourself holding on when you thought you should be letting go?
Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.
— The Wonder Years
In my last post I ruminated about “Guarding”. Today I’m still thinking about that but I’m looking at it from a different perspective. You see, lately I’ve noticed that I often sit with my arms tightly folded and I’ve excused myself by saying I was cold. But now I think not. I think at some semi-conscious level I’m holding myself together, protecting myself from falling apart… If you will, I’m just practicing another form of guarding.
Lagging Behind
I feel like I’m lagging behind my expectations. PattiAnn would probably tell me I’m being too hard on myself. And maybe I am. Still, I feel like I’m stuck on a plateau – languishing, going neither up nor down, wandering about the edges of here and now. I can’t return to the old “norm” and I haven’t yet carved out handholds for scaling the “new” norm. I’m in the dreaded “in-between”… (Hmmm, have I just coined a new “stage” in life, sorta like being a “pre-teen”?)
About a month ago I wrote in my journal:
I think I’m exiting this grieving tunnel. Not sure. But at least for the moment, feeling whole and thinking about priorities and goals and future. Looking backward still, but in a different way than before. Trying hard to do it with affection and joy instead of loss and sadness. Mostly that’s working.
Now all I have to do is simply… what? Get on with my life. Oh. That’s all. Yikes. Continue reading » Holding On
Sometimes it’s the smallest decision that can change your life forever.
— Keri Russell
This past weekend was the 75th anniversary of Alcoholics Anonymous, the group that helps others like themselves by “having one drunk talk to another” and by taking one day at a time. The secret to their success is that they know that little changes come from doing something that we didn’t used to do, every day. Over time the little changes become big changes and we’ve accomplished something that we never knew we could. In this week’s LA Times, a recovering alcoholic told his story.
In the article, Chas relates how he really, really didn’t want to go to his first AA meeting. He had seen AA help his father, his uncle, and his three brothers, but he had lots of reasons it wouldn’t work for him. A friend got him to go to a meeting anyway. He writes: Continue reading » Little Changes Into Big Ones
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