In the past several days I’ve been struggling with a mood problem. I really want to be in a good mood, and sometimes I actually achieve one for a short time, but then my negativism takes over again and I slump over in, if not despair, then despondency.
With all the writing that Ellie and I have been doing on choosing your reality, it feels worse because, after all, if I’m going to write about this stuff, I should be able to manage myself better.
Recently, I have been listening to Ask and It Is Given . The idea behind this book is that like the physical laws of the universe, for such things as gravity, quarks, speed of sound, light speed, there are principles that govern how our emotional/spiritual lives work.
Continue reading » Wouldn’t It Be Nice If…
I’ve just started this month’s book club book, My Grandfather’s Blessings by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. In it, she tells of attending a Yom Kippur service where the rabbi gave a “normal” sermon for that day. While he was talking, he held his one year old daughter in his arms. Predictably, the child got bored when daddy wasn’t paying attention and started to play with whatever she could reach. She grabbed his nose. She tried to eat his tie. She took his glasses. During all these antics, the congregation watched her, laughed and appreciated her youth, enthusiasm and creativity. After a while, the rabbi asked, “When does it get hard to forgive? At three? At seven? At fourteen?”
That’s a really great question. It’s not just about when we lose our patience with children, the question applies equally to us forgiving us. His point was easy to appreciate because what a darling one year old does is no longer cute when she’s three, or five or…? There are good reasons that a parent can’t allow the same behavior from a seven year old as from a toddler. So the issue isn’t about allowing, it’s about the confusion we have when attempting to change the behavior… and that confusion carries over into the way we think about and talk to ourselves.
What is your reality?
Today has been a writing day for me. And it has created two realities for me.
Reality #1
I spent most of the day working on three different pieces which never quite felt right. I deliberately took a break and came back to them a couple of hours later. They didn’t seem any better. I worked with them for another half hour and finally got myself so depressed that I decided to just leave.
Reality #2
Having given up in disgust, I grabbed the lead and took the dog for a walk. She’s pretty much always up for a walk and I just felt awful. I had worked myself into quite a state about what I would write for my next post.
Continue reading » The Blessing of Reality
I was glad to see that Ellie continued her thoughts about Seligman and his A-B-C-D-E methodology for moving towards optimism and away from despair. You may have read that I told her that it was a painful piece to read… and I still believe that the grief that she expressed was both searing and, by the time she finished the piece, hopeful.
As I was reading about her loss of her husband, it reminded me of a friend I have who has been divorced for many years. She made the choice to stay in her pain. For her, the pain of the divorce and the circumstances leading up to it are still fresh even after eight years. I have another friend who refused to vote for Bill Clinton because her own husband had been unfaithful and so had Bill.
Continue reading » Getting Unstuck
Throughout our lives we are confronted with situations that we just need to get through. Things that are out of our control, and that can only be resolved with the passage of time, can make us feel anxious. In my case, it’s my father’s rapidly worsening dementia.
Dealing With Dementia
Dementia is a difficult condition for both the patient and the caregiver. For some period of time, the person with dementia is not really capable of taking care of themselves, but also won’t allow you to take care of them. You are in a position of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t”: concerned about their safety while trying to facilitate their autonomy.
Continue reading » Living with Uncertainty
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