If you’ve got your sights set on change but something’s holding you back, maybe it’s time to “break the glass”…

Sometimes – despite our resilience, despite our optimism, despite our determination and persistence – we just can’t seem to move forward on something important.  When that happens, it may be time to break the glass…

Yes, break the glass. A simple gesture, but one that brings up fears we can’t really understand.  What’s wrong with breaking an inexpensive glass, when everyone has done so unintentionally at some time in their life? … It’s a rite of passage, I wanted to say.  It’s something prohibited.  Glasses are not purposely broken… But when we break them by accident, we realize that it’s not very serious.  The waiter says, “It’s nothing.”

…Break the glass, please – and free us from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of…

— Pilar in By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept:A Novel of Forgiveness
by Paul Coelho

Ah – I like the idea of that: no more trying to satisfy Other Peoples’ (OPs) demands for justification, as in:

Lucy, you got some ’splainin’ to do!

— Ricky Ricardo

Imagine: Sweet freedom from spouting reasons and rationales, from defending what’s already happened and/or what you’re about to do… sounds liberating, doesn’t it?  BUT – it’s also one of the scariest of life-choices. Why? Because now you’re in “no excuses” territory – whatever happens, it’s on you. You own it. And that, my good readers, brings us back to what Pilar, the novel character quoted above, was advocating:  It’s time to create your own, very personal rite of passage, one that signals your cross-over from comfort zone into that mysterious territory where you do the very things that frighten you.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

— Unknown

About That Big Change – Do You Have a Plan?

What is it you’d like to do?  Name it. Name your WIIFM – your “What’s In It For Me.”  More importantly, name how you will move forward with a “Plan”.

If you procrastinate when faced with a big difficult problem… break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time.

— Robert Collier

But Wait!  Before you knee-jerk into a linear process of subdividing the problem into purely logical components, take a visual trip into a non-linear solution seeking process – Preview the “visual thesaurus” program – it’s a “for-fee” program but they allow a quick trial. Pause now and take a look.  Here’s how to navigate around the Visual Thesaurus: Click “Look it up”, accept the “try it” and then click on a word in the diagram, for instance, “intuition” and fool around a bit by clicking on different words.

Breathe, relax, let your brain go fluid as the word-net wanders, expands, and contracts; watch to see “what happens” next…

And then, sketch an outline of the steps you’ll need to take to get from your comfort zone into that mysterious territory where you are doing the very things that frighten you.

Need some help with sketching out a Plan?  Well, if you’re inclined to be a logical and sequentially oriented left brain thinker then you might check out John Adair’s book, Decision Making and Problem Solving Strategies in which he presents a seemingly simplistic but actually very elegant approach to finding solutions:

Adair’s 3 Step Bridge Model for Problem Solving:

1. Define the aim/problem;
2. Generate feasible options;
3. Choose optimum course/solution.

And, if you’re more inclined to be a visual and intuitive right-brained thinker, you might want to purchase Jennifer Lee’s book, The Right-Brain Business Plan.  Or, if you’re in a hurry, her home-study e-course.

Either way – intuitive or linear – sketch a plan.  NO, do NOT write out the whole detailed plan – this is not the time for analysis paralysis – just get the basics down.  When in doubt, go back to Adair’s 3-Step Bridge Model.

About That Rite of Passage

Now that you’ve named your Big Change and you’ve sketched out a Plan for making it so, invent a “rite of passage” that will give you internal permission to forge forward.

Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.

— Alan Alda

Your rite of passage doesn’t need to be anything fancy; I’m not suggesting a big-time wilderness “ROPE”: a Right Of Passage Experience. Nah. Just a simple, seemingly small ritual that signals your commitment to breaking through your fear of the unknown, to launching that Plan of yours, to allowing yourself to risk the pain of OPs’ criticisms, to expanding that comfort zone of yours into that mysterious territory where you do the very things that frighten you.

How do you create a rite of passage?  Let’s start with some examples of OPs’ rites of passage. In her Blogher.com article, Age-related Rites of Passage Candelaria Silva writes about some of her own:

• Wearing my first sheer stockings and pumps…
• Changing my coiffure from pigtails or pony-tails to a flip like the one worn by Marlo Thomas on her sit-com, That Girl…
• Wearing Makeup…
• Getting working papers – I had to be 16 to get my working papers
• Getting a Learner’s Permit and taking Driving Lessons
• Mani-Pedi’s – I didn’t get my first pedicure until age 40.  It was in a spa and it was expensive…
• Technology for personal use – Texters, cellphones, iPods, personal computers and social networking accounts…

Of course most of us have passed through similar rites and, at the time, they signaled a significant letting go of the past, a transition into something new… Remember how you felt when you went to first grade, became a Brownie or Cub Scout, graduated, celebrated special birthdays? Remember your first corsage or boutonniere, paycheck, savings account, new running shoes, rollerblades, pedometer? Some of those memories may seem trivial, but at the time, they mattered to you – and they included some sort of passage or ritual.

Lynda Forman provides instruction on creating new personal rituals:

How to Create a Rites of Passage Ceremony or Ritual

To celebrate the changes you are making in your life, you will want to create some sort of ceremony or ritual, some sort of moment where you acknowledge that something of importance has happened to you. Some ideas for a ritual can include:

Letting go: If you want to mark a rites of passage in which you have let go of something that you don’t believe anymore or a part of you that does not exist anymore, it can be powerful to burn something that signifies what you are letting go of – ex. an old outfit, a piece of paper with a thought you’re not holding onto anymore. Watch the item burn as you feel yourself fill up with the new energy of your new life.

Transition: When moving from one part of life to another, you might celebrate this by having friends witness your change. You might walk through a gateway … to show that you are taking on a new role in life…

A rites of passage ceremony doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it should be meaningful for you… Once you acknowledge a rite of passage, it can profoundly change your life. Be ready to take on this new life… You don’t have to celebrate with others, either. You can choose to celebrate by yourself. Take yourself out to a celebratory dinner and bask in the happiness of moving from one part of your life to another. Rites of passage are moments to enjoy and they are moments where you can begin to acknowledge the work you’ve done.

Think about it.  Plan your ritual.  Do it. Move on.

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.

— Nora Roberts

Got your sights set on change? Break the glass, signal your move into the unknown.