Men tire themselves in pursuit of rest.

— Laurence Sterne

It’s been six months since I started my “new” job.  One of the interesting things is how differently I view this job.  When I was “going somewhere” (and there’s some debate as to where that was), I didn’t mind getting up in the dark and driving home in the dark.  I was “going somewhere” and that meant paying the price.

Now, I am doing a job I enjoy – most of the time – and because of the one hour commute in each direction, it seems a bit of a burden much of the time.  I like the people and they seem to like me.  I’m learning their way of doing the job and adapting fairly successfully.  My biggest problem seems to be energy management.

Given that I drive about 85 miles, minimum, each day, you might think that the price of gas is my biggest concern.  Actually, I mean managing my energy.

Another Kind of Biological Clock

As women take more and more control of their lives, many of them put off starting a family.  Sometimes they do it for career reasons and sometimes because they’re looking for a mate.  But, if they want a family, many women reach a point where they become very conscious of the ticking of their biological clocks.  They are reaching the age when getting pregnant can be more difficult and more dangerous to themselves and the baby.

I, on the other hand, am waaaay beyond that point and when I’m referring to my biological clock, I am referring to an unfortunate tendency to be able to stay awake until early in the morning.  As a matter of fact, it’s strong enough that when I want to go to bed relatively early – 10:00 p.m. or 11:00 p.m. – I have trouble falling asleep.  It’s not insomnia – it’s just my personal clock showing its preference for late nights over early mornings.

The problem is that I have a very hard time getting up early and by the end of the week, I’m exhausted.  Catching up on my sleep helps, but it’s a real challenge managing my energy level throughout the week.

Last week, I worked really hard at going into bed relatively early – which did result in my getting a reasonable night’s sleep.  And, at the end of the week, although I was tired, it wasn’t nearly as bad as many other weeks.

Just Get Some Sleep, For Heaven’s Sake!

Exhaustion seems like a simple enough problem to fix, just get enough sleep.  That’s certainly an approach.  For me, it’s a start – but it’s not the whole solution.

To feel rested, what I really need/want is unencumbered time.  Time when I don’t “have to” do anything.  I can sleep or read or stare into space if I want to.  Time when I’m not obligated to fulfill a commitment.  Time when no one wants anything from me.

I’m writing about this because I suspect I’m not the only one with this dream.  Mothers with children at home may not have had any unencumbered time for years – literally.  Caregivers also face this challenge.  Getting away to run necessary errands often requires extensive planning and lots of help from others.  Having time for themselves seems like the impossible dream.  Just having a day when there isn’t a doctor’s visit or a trip to the pharmacy seems like heaven.

There’s an old truism in business, never present a problem without a solution.  I don’t claim to have the ability to solve this problem but maybe I can suggest an approach that might help.

• Be very clear on what refreshes you.  For me, it’s time for myself.
• Brainstorm ideas of different ways that would provide what it is that refreshes you.  For me, sometimes I “run away” at lunch.  I take a book and disappear.  Staying at work ends up with people who believe I’d rather talk if just someone would talk to me, interrupting my alone time and solving their problem (needing company or to kvetch), not mine.
• Resolve to find a way to do a “little” of what refreshes you.  This may include bartering babysitting/care giving services with someone who faces a similar challenge.  It might include “running away.”

I know the effect of exhaustion – whether mental or physical.  It saps what strength you do have.  It discourages you.  It can make you a victim.  What I’m suggesting could help.  Unfortunately, it also requires that you find the strength to try something new just when you least feel like you can.

In Struggle Less, I wrote about setting intentions.

I found that often I wasn’t sure exactly where I wanted to go but I intended to do something.  Setting an intention meant that I could state that I wanted to move in a particular direction – learn more about photography or become more active in my church – but I didn’t have a specific time-based, measurable accomplishment that I could define.

Setting an intention to find a way to include an activity that refreshes you is the perfect way to start.  No pressure.  No timeframe, just an intention to do one small thing to take care of yourself – to fight off exhaustion, mental and physical.

So take the first step.  No commitment to go further.  Just plant the question in your head, “What makes me feel more rested?”  Start there.  Give it a week and you’ll be surprised what your unconscious will tell you if you give it time to talk to you.

In taking that first step, in setting the intention, you move from powerless to powerful.  You choose to be in charge of your life, even in difficult times.  You begin to move towards energy and away from exhaustion.  It can change your whole outlook.