What do you think: Is the process of “self expansion” only a couples’ thing?

There’s no limit possible to the expansion of each one of us.

— Charles M. Schwab

Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of – expanding exponentially!  Just kidding folks, only my weight is at risk of exponential expansion and that is a topic for a different post!

I got started on this topic of “self-expansion” after reading a NYTimes.com blog article – my first (rather selfish) curiosity was piqued by the comment “take the quiz below to measure how much it expands your knowledge and makes you feel good about yourself.”  I mean, who doesn’t want to take a quiz that promises to make you “feel good about yourself?”  The article told me that:

…researchers are studying how people sustain their relationships by using them to accumulate knowledge and new experiences, a process they call “self-expansion.”

Studies show that the more self-expansion a person experiences through their partner, the more satisfied and committed they are to the relationship.

And then I had misgivings:

• What if losing a spouse sucks all your “self-expansion” juju right out of you?
• What if I had “it” and lost it?
• And, if that were the case, could I get it back all by myself or does it require a “happy ‘me’ marriage”? And if the answer’s “sorry, it’s gone”… then what?  SIGH…

Here’s My Opinion

Although it’s tempting to wallow awhile with a pity party, I choose to think this: I had it and I get to keep it. Good marriages are a lifelong blessing that keeps on giving even after the untimely death of one of the partners. It’s our legacy to each other.

Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each include the other, each is enriched by the other.

— Felix Adler

If you’re lucky and blessed, that’s true.  It was for me/us.  And, yes, I’m feeling melancholy as we come up on two years since my loving and loved husband died.  Not much help for that.  But I will persevere and keep moving forward.

The Role of Explorer is Calling…

Meaning and morality of One’s life come from within oneself. Healthy, strong individuals seek self expansion by experimenting and by living dangerously. Life consists of an infinite number of possibilities and the healthy person explores as many of them as possible. …The good life is ever changing, challenging, devoid of regret, intense, creative and risky.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

“Living dangerously” sounds a bit scary.  But infinite possibilities?  Exhilarating!  And putting on the role of explorer?  Now that role has intrigued me ever since I read Kenneth Roberts’ Northwest Passage as a wee child!  So perhaps there’s still plenty of “self expansion” in my future.

If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.

— Mahatma Gandhi

I’ll keep you posted.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

— Robert Frost

So – Is the process of “self expansion” only a couples’ thing?