Won’t you be my neighbor?

— Fred Rogers

Growing up in Chicago, I lived in a nice neighborhood.  At least I thought it was nice.  The thing was that we didn’t really know our neighbors.  The people who lived directly to the North of us had the only garage in the neighborhood and they could go in and out through the garage without having to talk to anyone.  The front of their house opened out on Fargo, so we never saw them… except for the time that the woman put the car in drive and drove into the house instead of out of the garage.

Most of the kids went to Hebrew school after regular school so they couldn’t come out and play during most of the school year.  So, we really didn’t get to know many of them.  During the summer, the kids were shipped off to summer camp – for the whole summer, so we were very much on our own.

We didn’t go to the local school, we went to the Catholic school and left right after school.  I guess, you could say that in the beginning, we didn’t belong to any neighborhood.  My first neighborhood was high school.  While Mom didn’t have time for me to be in clubs in grammar school, I could join the clubs in high school because it was all right there.  Nobody had to pick me up and drop me off.  I just stayed late.  I called home right before dinner time and someone would come and get me.  Otherwise, I got to be part of the high school neighborhood.  It was where I felt most at home.

It’s now 40 years later and I belong to a new neighborhood.  To be fair, I didn’t really get to know anyone until I got my dog.  Then, I got to know everyone worth knowing – everyone with a friendly dog.

Over time, I got to know extended families too.  When I’m not working, I pick up teenagers from volleyball or track or softball practice.  Sometimes, I just lug their gear.  Whatever, I’m an extended member of the family.

Families can be great!  Families can be awful!  Both are true at the same time.  The challenge is figuring out how to deal with family in both circumstances, how to not go crazy in the awful times so you can be there for the great ones (or at least the alright ones).

What’s Really Important

The holidays can be difficult for everyone.  On Wednesday, I went to the 2^nd funeral in the last 30 days.  It made me think – about what’s really important and what isn’t.  But life has a funny way of making today’s concerns more important than what we know is really important especially in the frantic, stress-filled holidays.

I have two friends from my neighborhood family who have lost parents this year.  They are both dreading the upcoming celebrations.  No matter what I do, they will miss their parent.  I can’t change that, but I can choose to be present for them.  I can choose to take the time to listen to their sadness and their memories.

And if I can choose to be kind to them, I can make other choices also.  In the hurley burley of the coming holidays I’m going to try to remember:

• It’s not about the gifts, it’s about the people.
• Everybody deserves to get some of what would make their holidays special.
• Share what you can with those who don’t have enough.
• Walk a mile in their tight, pinchy shoes before you decide that their problems aren’t really as big as yours.

Maybe if I can do that, all of my various families will survive another holiday season intact.