photo credit: noii’s

What do YOU do when a case of the coulda-woulda-shoulda’s seize your brain?

Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary-line and adding to one’s liberty.

— Unknown

A Minor but Satisfying Victory

Shortly after the holidays I experienced a minor but very satisfying victory.  Sometimes it’s BIG stuff that throws me for a loop. Sometimes it’s little teeny stuff that throws me for a loop.  This time it was the latter… here’s my story:

Late on a post-Christmas evening, just before the stores closed, I was driving from one store to another feeling quite smug about the complicated transaction I’d just navigated. (Returning merchandise, finding just the right replacement, using up a frequent-buyer award before its expiration date… all in all, getting a very good deal for my trouble.)

When it hit me like a brick – I’d forgotten to ask for the senior discount!  Compound that stupid mistake with the fact that the only reason I’d ventured out amidst the after-holiday retail melee was because it was senior discount day!

Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Thus began this silly sashaying debate:

Go back? / Keep going and finish the other stuff on my list? / Go back? / Keep going and finish the other stuff on my list? / Go back?

Have you ever had that kind of “coulda, woulda, shoulda” moments when thoughts like these just pestered your consciousness??  Moments when the thoughts in your brain mimic Mad’Donna’s rendition of “the wheels on the bus, they go round and round, round and round… all through the brain-ee-aain-ee-aine…”

Regardless of how stupid they are, these coulda-woulda-shoulda thoughts manage to occupy TOP OF MIND; they’re little, teeny thoughts that LOOM LARGE and don’t let up.

I HATE It When That Happens

But on that particular evening, instead of getting stuck in the coulda-woulda-shoulda loop-de-loops, I fortunately remembered two things: The first was PattiAnn’s conclusion to her What to Do When You Feel Crummy post:

So, I must step out in faith – let go and let God.

Which prompted my second recollection – a happy memory of my husband playing Johnny Appleseed with his apple cores.  Now, we weren’t litterbugs, but on our Saturday morning yardsale jaunts, we’d eat apples with cheese sticks and call it breakfast.  But what to do with the messy apple cores?  Well my husband’s politically incorrect solution was to wait until we were alongside a bunch of bushes and then fling the core into the brush… he figured he was either feeding the squirrels or playing Johnny Appleseed to the local field.  Well, with this happy thought, my brain went Click!…  and the nagging worry became an apple core that I mentally FLUNG into the bushes – in my mind, it was an exuberant, whole-arm throw!

And, what do you know, problem solved. Messy old apple core of coulda-woulda-shoulda, gone.  I’d let it go.  Good-bye nagging round and rounds!  Suddenly I was at peace with my choice to keep going and finish the other stuff on my list.

Another Tool: Throw It Away!

As I said earlier, sometimes it’s often the little teeny stuff that throws me – but now, big or small, I have a new trick up my sleeve: THROW IT AWAY.  This goes well beyond simply “let it go” and gives me a feeling of new power. This is something positive and helpful that I can do right in the moment.

Yeah, you’re right, it’s simply another reframe tool, reminiscent of my post Distance Yourself From Your Worries:

When thinking about something that really, really bothers you, especially when you don’t want to be up tight and bothered – what can you do?  Something very easy: change the way you think about it! Create an imaginary distance between you and the occasion that distresses you. I’m talking about “using your brain for a change” instead of perpetuating your anxious musings. Or to put it another way: you can, as they do in filming, reframe the experience.

But stay with me on this – the physicality of the mental imaging is key.

And before you say – Oh I can’t visualize – take a gander at PattiAnn’s 5-Senses visit to the dentist in Getting to Fear-Less.  You too can virtualize your mental imagery…

Then, when you mentally “throw it away”, see yourself putting your whole body into the throw.  Feel the thrust as you throw-out that bothersome thought.  Watch that nagging admonition, like a messy apple core, sail away and disappear into the undergrowth.  Good riddance! Gone, left behind to feed the squirrels and seed an apple orchard…  Feel the relief.  And then, get on with whatever it is you’re about.

Try it the next time a “coulda, woulda, shoulda” thought pesters your good day.  And count it as coup – your act of bravery in the face of nagging doubts.  A victory however small is a good thing.

What do YOU do when a case of the coulda-woulda-shoulda’s seize your brain?