photo credit: Tom@HK

If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness.

— Les Brown

I am not the only crazy person in my circle of friends.  Several of us are learning how to trade stocks and options.

One of my trading friends, Susan, was just kicked out of a leading well-known brokerage firm because her account had been hacked.  The hack was part of a “pump and dump” scam.  The crooks buy a lot of a stock at a low price.  Having cornered the market on a bunch of ABC Company stock, they then go out and buy a bunch more using other people’s accounts which they’ve hacked (the pump).  When they have run up the price of ABC Company’s stock, they sell their own shares and then dump the shares that they bought using the hacked accounts.  The end result is that they’ve manipulated the stock price and made a bunch of money over a short time-frame.

None of this is legal, nor is it my friend’s fault.  The brokerage firm reset her account to remove the effects of the “pump and dump.”  Shortly after all had settled down, they asked Susan to move her money elsewhere, claiming that someone had attempted to use her account again, though she was never presented with any evidence of what had happened or why they thought an attempt had been made.  Deciding that she didn’t want to do business with them anymore, she moved her account.

Because Susan had opened an account at a new firm, they offered her 40% off one of their classes.  When she told me which class they were offering, I told her that she didn’t want that class. (I never claimed to be without opinions.)  She didn’t think they would let her take the class I recommended, but she said she’d give it a try anyway.

Why We Don’t Ask

Now, Susan has been going through a particularly challenging stretch in the last couple of months.  Children have returned home (again!).  Her dog died after a relatively long and expensive illness.  She works in health care and with health care reform, she’s probably secure in her job, but it’s like playing 52 pickup.  (You remember that game, someone throws the entire deck of cards up in the air and you get to pick them up.)  Everything is changing, and her job is to make sure that the products that her company offers meet all the legal requirements and are non-discriminatory.  Her stress is a little high.

You know what it’s like.  It seems as if one more thing and you’ll just collapse.  It’s when we’re feeling this stretched that asking for anything can be just too much.  We’ve all done it.  We’ve decided that it just isn’t worth the energy, the time, the frustration and/or the risk to ask for what we really want.  It’s just not in us to tilt at any more windmills.  We’ll settle for what we’ve been given/offered.

Moving Back to a Firm Footing

I’d like to think that I’m preaching to the choir, but the problem is that we tend to tell each other that “you” need to take care of yourself, I’ll be just fine.  We may be able to keep going physically, but it’s our mental health that starts to suffer first.

Things look a little grayer.  They look less possible.  Challenges that you would have tackled last week, look impossible today – all because you haven’t taken time for you.  Whether what you need is sleep, solitude, family time or all of the above, if you are avoiding challenges that wouldn’t have fazed you before, it’s time to start to rebuild.

Susan rebuilds by designing and making jewelry (assuming she doesn’t just need sleep).  Me, I like to curl up with the zoo (dog AND cats) and read/nap.  I often struggle with the idea that I don’t have time to loaf, but in the end, if I don’t take the time to loaf, I’ll get nothing worthwhile done.  Prime example:  I tried to write this post yesterday and gave up after an hour and a half with nothing on the paper (computer screen).  After a good night’s sleep, it was a little easier.

We’ve all learned how to push ourselves physically.  We can push through the tiredness, but at some point, we can’t push through the mental exhaustion.  Taking care of ourselves before we feel hopeless makes it that much easier to find our footing and it’s only when we’re starting from a solid beginning that we can dare to do what we need to do.

She Asked – and She Got It

Somehow, Susan found her footing.  She called and talked to someone who agreed that the class I was recommending was a much better choice for the person intending to do serious investing. (Sometimes my opinions actually have value!)  And here’s where the real benefit to asking kicked in – she got what she wanted because she took action.  She asked.  If she had gotten the better class by accident, it would have been nice but she would have missed out on the emotional kick of taking control and succeeding.  Asking for what she wanted was the beginning of building momentum for taking action.

So, do you need to rebuild?  If you do, set time aside today to begin the process of getting yourself back to a firm footing.  Just that will start the momentum.

When you’ve gotten back in balance, pick something small and take control.  Ask for what you want.  You’ll find it makes all the difference.