photo credit: Paul Keleher

Do cheerful people make you crazy?  My neighbor, Janice was born cheerful.  Like everyone else she has bad days, but overall she’s a cheerful person.  She comes by it naturally.  Her mother, Joy, is a naturally cheerful person too.  They’re not necessarily conscious of it, but when faced with adversity, these two explore the possibilities and execute a plan.  They know that not everything can be fixed and they also know that expecting a positive outcome helps them create a positive outcome.

When I graduated from college some 30 years ago, I went to work for a major corporation.  For the first year they trained me in the technical and business skills needed to design and implement solutions for my customers.  Some classes were four weeks long – high stress, away from home and over time we all tended to grouse a bit.  One day as I was coming into class, one of the advisors asked how I was doing.  I don’t remember exactly what I said but basically it was some version of the general grousing that we all were doing.  He stopped me and asked if I was really doing badly.  No, I admitted – just the same stuff, want to go home, etc., etc.  He suggested that things being what they were –  class would be over on the predetermined date and I needed to do well – that I would feel better and more people would want to spend time with me if I could find a way to present a more positive demeanor.  “No one really wants to listen to someone else’s complaints.  Everyone has problems.  Be a positive contribution to others whenever possible.  Make their day better, not worse, and they’ll be glad to see you.”

To some of you, this advice is self-evident, but no one had ever said this to me before.  I actually enjoyed what I was learning and had been doing well.  Sure, I wanted to go home – we all did – but things were Ok.  It was the first time anyone had suggested that I could choose both my internal attitude and the way I presented myself to the world.  As my career continued I learned to choose my attitude the way I chose my suit.  It served me well.

Amazingly, research validates that we can choose our internal attitude – and attitude really does matter.  In general, we choose from two opposing points of view – optimistic and pessimistic.  Yes, we can make finer distinctions, but for this discussion I’d like to look at optimism and pessimism as choices we make every day.

Many of us believe that optimism is Janice and Joy’s cheerful attitude as I described it in the beginning of this post.  But demeanor, how we present ourselves to the world, is not the same as internal attitude.  People often present a demeanor of false cheer because they feel that is what is required.

Janice and Joy’s cheerful demeanor is a reflection of their optimistic approach to life – an approach that puts the most favorable interpretation on actions or events AND anticipates good outcomes in the future.  And good outcomes are what they often get.

Some of us have an internal attitude that negatively colors our perception of current events AND anticipates negative outcomes in the future – pessimism.  Not only is that what we see and expect, it’s also what we often get.

So, is our attitude the chicken or the egg?  Throughout this blog you’ll notice that Ellie and I refer to research that has been done on the topics we discuss.  This is the place you can come to look for helpful information when you don’t want to wade through the very good books that we recommend here. (Maybe you’d prefer a little beach reading.) One of the authors that we reference often is Dr. Martin Seligman.  Within the academic community, because of all his research, Seligman has become the face of optimism.  In his later research he has discovered that we are born with a predisposition to view life either optimistically or pessimistically.  His work has been focused on understanding what optimism and pessimism are and then helping us to move from pessimism to optimism.  In his most recent book, Authentic Happiness – Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment, he admits that he starts most days tending toward the pessimistic.  He has to use the techniques he developed for others to get to a more positive place.

Why is this important?  Because as Earl Nightingale stated many years ago, “We get what we think about.”  When we’re optimistic, we think about possibilities.  When we’re pessimistic, we think about problems.

Our attitude is what positions us for the journey.  If we can start from an optimistic point of view, we are part way there.  Starting from a pessimistic point of view, first we must convince ourselves to even try before we can get out there and take on the world.

I have to admit that like Seligman, I also start from a pessimistic point of view.  Maybe I was born that way, maybe I learned it at home.  Certainly the Greatest Generation, which my parents were part of, faced enough adversity for them to not trust that good stuff would continue to flow.  And yet Joy, Janice’s mom, is part of the Greatest Generation.  She and my dad are about the same age.  There is no question in my mind that Joy starts each day ready to take on the world.  My dad starts each day believing that the world will take advantage of him.  In the end, they both get what they expect.

I start each day probably slightly less than neutral.  By walking the dog, listening to uplifting new ideas and noticing the world around me, I become more optimistic as the morning progresses.  Because I have established a routine for readjusting my perspective every day, most days I feel that I can handle most of the challenges I will face that day.  I can face the rest of the day from a place of positive expectation.

That’s what we’re about at BouncebackCafe.com – helping you develop the skills to create and maintain an attitude of positive expectation.  We know that life can be difficult – that’s reality.  We’re here to help bounce back from that difficulty through resilience and optimism.  Please join us on our journey.