photo credit: stacy michelle

Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind.  If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.

— Arthur Somers

The other night I tossed and turned, got up, went back to bed, got a cup of tea, checked my email (sheezzz!), watched the weather station, drifted back to sleep and… awakened, again as worry after worry ricocheted against the edges of my messy mind. What a waste of good sleeping time!  Not to mention brain power.

These days, I’ve plodded forward “doing what needs to be done” to set various affairs to right.  And I’ve intentionally avoided some big ones.  Why?  Well, I suppose because I could, because I was pretty sure there would be no harm done in the delay, because I just wasn’t up to tackling them.

Then, the day before my sleepless night, I forayed into one of those important but not urgent tasks that I’d been avoiding.  I’d figured out a few “baby steps” (as PattiAnn advised in a recent post) and felt I could do these little bits, no problem.  Well, it turns out, almost no problem, because blithely and unwittingly, I stepped into a molehill.  And stumbled in the night as fears burrowed up into my consciousness, some frivolous, some formidable, all stomping about my sleepy mind, waking me so I could worry-worry-worry.

And so I fretted about:

• all the things that I haven’t gotten done yet
• some things “we should have done differently” (but of course, didn’t)
• a myriad of things I need to “fix”
• oh so many circumstances that are what they are but not what I wish
• whether the weather will be conducive to one of my projects-in-the-making
• whether my last post was perhaps too compelling causing unnecessary worry for you my readers when I’m actually doing OK…

Worry-Worry-Worry

To the point of sleeplessness, my brain frolicked about, making mountains out of my molehills and Machu Picchu out of my mountains. I couldn’t turn it off. In terms we’ve used before on this blog, I was viewing my worries “up close and personal” instead of “distancing myself” from them.  So there I was, unwittingly using a very effective tool called “reframing” in a totally inappropriate way – I magnified the screen when I should have minimized it!  And – take it from me – the technique works, so be careful how you use it!

And then it was morning, and, in the light of day I knew that while all those worries may be valid concerns that will need to be addressed, they DON’T have to be dealt with ALL AT ONCE!  And in truth, the two baby steps I did take set in motion one most important and now time-sensitive project. That’s goodness.  And I now have a fuzzy focus on what to do about many of the other “things that need doing”, but I’m not ready, nor do I need to be, to forge forward on resolving them all right now.  All in good time.  I have the time.  ( …And then a worry buzzes by, are you sure about that???… )

How to Put Those Worries Away For Now…

I’ve just begun to read the book, Journey to Center, by Thomas F. Crum and, thinking he probably had some good ideas to help me get my momentum back, I searched on-line and found his website, www.AikiWorks.com.  I’ve presumed to paraphrase one of Tom’s stories here:

Crossroads of Choice

I sit here happily recovering with my leg still in a walking cast. (Happily because the “This may kill me” option did not pan out.) I’m looking out at a beautiful snowfall pondering the question I frequently ask every time an injury, whether physical or emotional, happens: What if you had an opportunity for a replay in life? Would a new choice entirely change the trajectory of your life, put you down a path leading you to a very different place and space? Or would you simply end up in a different life landscape, but having to deal with the same basic internal difficulties?

While pondering this, I heard our house guest claim exhaustedly, as he was putting on his ski boots, “Well, I’ve only got one day left. I guess I should get up there.” Skiing to him seemed a chore. I realized I could have as blissful and magical a day here on the couch with my leg elevated as he was going to have in his reality. And I did. I answered my own question about replay. My contentment, my peace, my center, is not determined by any particular past, good or bad. It is a conscious choice right now, in the present moment. Breathe this precious life into every cell and you will create a magnificent “present” as well as the brightest of futures.

So, LISTEN to Crum, Ellie, and breathe.  And then, kickback and relish this “magnificent present” while “doing what needs to be done” to create “the brightest of futures!”

And what to do about those worries still flitting at the edges of my mind?  I’ll try this:

Put this incident away – that’s all it is, one incident in ten thousand.  You must not allow it to wreck your harmony.  Put it away into a compartment.

— James Clavell, author of Shogun

And if that doesn’t work, this should do the trick:

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway.

— Mary C. Crowley

How do you quiet the worries that burrow up in the night?  Tell us about it.