photo credit: cloneofsnake

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

— Dwight David Eisenhower

Last year, after Randy Pausch died of pancreatic cancer, Primetime aired Diane Sawyer’s interview of Randy, his family and friends.  Much of the footage was of conversations that took place prior to Randy’s death.  In addition to the phenomenal courage and the deliberate way that the Pausch family planned for and dealt with Randy’s death, one interchange between Diane and Randy’s wife, Jai, has stayed with me.

Diane and Jai were talking about how Jai was making it through each day.  Jai replied that in therapy they had discussed how we humans tend to project into the future.  When she watched Randy and kids play, she would go to the dark place where he wouldn’t be there to play with them anymore.  The therapist taught her one phrase – “not helpful.”

Be Here – Stay!

When you train a puppy, part of what you are after is unquestioning obedience.  The dog’s life may depend on how well she responds when you call.  It takes a fair amount of consistent training to get to the point where your dog responds immediately and correctly to your command. (After 7 years I’m still not there.  I keep reminding myself that I am the pack leader, but somehow the dog doesn’t get it.)  Not only that, their skills are perishable.  This means that dogs have really bad memories and you have to keep practicing or they just don’t remember how to obey.  (This may remind you of your teenager, but your teenager’s memory isn’t really that bad.  He just pretends that it is.)

Our minds are like that untrained puppy.  Given their freedom, they will run anywhere they want to go.  During the holidays, they can easily get carried away – remembering last Christmas and how your in-laws behaved (or didn’t); projecting into the future when your aunt is sharing her travel photos from last summer’s month-long trip to Italy visiting every church in existence.  As the therapist said – not helpful.  It will probably be bad enough when you sit through the slide show, no point in doubling or tripling the time spent suffering.

Staying Present

Matthew 6:34 says “sufficient to the day is the trouble thereof” or something to that effect, depending on the translation you prefer.  Don’t go borrowing trouble is another way that we say the same thing.  What it really means is be here, now.

It sounds simple, but like training the puppy, it takes practice and patience.  Another time, I will write about all the different meditation techniques that you can use to stay in the present, but I’m guessing that you don’t feel that you have time to sit and meditate, so let me suggest an approach that will let you stay in the present.

In concept it’s quite simple.  Become aware.  Even with the puppy, you don’t always notice when she’s gotten away from you.  At Dog Park, sometimes the people get to talking (hopefully not about politics) and while we’re solving the problems of the world, the dogs are exploring the world.  Next thing you know, the dogs are in a neighbor’s garage.  Eventually one of us humans becomes aware that “it’s way too quiet” and starts calling the dogs.  Because they’re so well trained, the dogs respond immediately. (It’s very hard to tell that they’re responding since they’re still blithely exploring the garage – but as you most likely already know, ignoring is a response.  Teens do it all the time.)

Just like the humans at dog park, becoming aware of what’s going on is the first step to taking control of the situation.  While you’re driving or shopping or cleaning, your mind has gone exploring.  It’s run from one place to another.  The first step is to notice that it’s wandered off.  Then, gently, bring your mind back to where you are right now.  Deliberately focus on what you’re doing.  If you’re not actively doing anything, deliberately focus on where you are.  Notice how things look, what scents are in the air and what you hear.  Just that quickly, you’ve returned to the present.

Sometimes Simple is Best

Life can be stressful in the here and now.  When our minds wander off, we’re not focused on what’s going on around us.  While driving, we’re stressing about all the things we have left to do.  While shopping we’re thinking about the traffic we’re going to face getting to our next destination.  You know what it feels like and you know it’s “not helpful.”  Resolve now to become aware of where you are and where your mind is.  Once you become conscious, you can choose to be here – now.  It really is that simple.