In my office bookcase I treasure a small, petit point pillow featuring the whimsy of clever, self-taught author & artist, Mary Engelbreit. I keep it there, in my line of sight, to help me get through those AAAARRRRGGGHHHH moments. You know, when you get the blue screen of death on your ’puter, or the phone rings for the umpteenth time and you feel like singsong-answering, “grand central station, how can I help you?”
“SNAP OUT OF IT” shouts the indignant girl in the silly hat. She keeps me grounded during those moments of frustration and aggravation that can derail my concentration and flow.
When you lose your cool over lots of little aggravations like the soap dispenser that won’t dispense… or the hem on your good slacks that you snagged just as you were leaving for a party… or your MIA car keys, or when you’ve already SHOUTED – Get over it! Then what?
Change Your State of Mind
Time to snap out of it, to shift mental gears from “stymied and stuck” to “flexible and resourceful”. Why? Because your state of mind – how you view these aggravations – predisposes your responses.
“Stymied and stuck” likely leads to more accidental aggravations such as chucking a perfectly good soap dispenser just because you’re fumble-fingered right now, missing the fun party because you suddenly have “nothing to wear”, or rashly leaving in the car-with-no-gas because you can find the keys to it.
“Flexible and resourceful” likely leads to creative solutions such as leaving the dishes for somebody else to do, scotch-taping the hem for the evening, finding the lost keys by retracing your last use of them.
So how do you “shift mental gears”? Start by acknowledging your frustration with all the things that should be going right but aren’t. Become your own best listener. Listen to your chagrin and then take the advice of child psychologist, Haim Ginott:
“Strong feelings do not vanish by being banished; they do diminish in intensity and lose their sharp edges when the listener accepts them with sympathy and understanding. This statement holds true not only for children, but also for adults.” [Underlining mine]
Quickly acknowledge your frustration – provide sympathy and understanding to yourself. And if it’s really, really bad, initiate a pity party. Someone-somewhere said (if I could remember which blog I was reading, I’d give them credit, so if it was you, post a comment so we can acknowledge you) that they allow themselves to have up to 3 pity parties a day, but each one is limited to only 3 minutes! That would be really useful for those moments when you’re in a hurry to get somewhere. I, for one, enjoy wallowing in a single pity party for about 20 minutes or so when I have the time. After 20 minutes it just seems to get a bit ridiculous what with all the wailing and gnashing of teeth!
Shift Your Body Posture
Ok, so now you feel understood but you’re still not over it. Now what? Give yourself a mini-break. Even if you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, take five. And get moving. Movement and body posture are signals – “uptight and tense” vs. “relaxed and loose” – which do you think sends a message of resilience to your psyche? Help your brain change states by revising your body stance. So, with Momma Mia tunes singing in your head, (or pick another upbeat tune you like) go for a brisk walk. Oh yeah, I forgot, you’re about to go somewhere. OK, then just go up and down the stairs 10 times. Or pace back and forth in your hallway. Swing your arms. Hold your head up. Sing along with the tune in your head. Whatever gets you moving and physically releasing some of that tension.
And then what? If necessary, if you’re STILL “stymied and stuck”, switch your self-talk from catastrophizing (i.e., seeing catastrophes everywhere – like the town residents in the silly, old movie from cold war times, The Russians are coming! the Russians are coming!) to happy talk (The South Pacific song, Happy Talk comes to mind.) …and switch your state of mind from shouda, woulda, coulda to “here & now, I can deal with this, I can get over it and get on with it. This is small stuff. I can deal.”
Pull Out Your Favorite Mantra
Don’t have time for all that? Sometimes the little irritations pile up in the moment and the best you can do is stay in the moment. That’s when it’s time to pull out a favorite mantra that you can repeat over and over while taking deep breaths. What should your mantra be? Well I have several I draw on:
- SNAP OUT OF IT.
- Here & now, I can deal with this.
- I can get over this and get on with it.
- This is small stuff.
- I can deal.
- This too will pass.
- It’s only a bump in the road. (Most effective for flying in turbulence.)
- It’s all small stuff.
- Go with the flow.
- Bring it on!
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I would get so frustrated at the little stuff and end up doing something stupid like throwing out the soap dispenser until I made it a habbit that when I’m at the point where I want to throw it out or give up, I have to laugh at myself. I thought about it one day how silly I must look to anyone on the outside who couldn’t see why I was frustrated. Now I will spontaneously burst out laughing at stressful things which can lead to some awkward situations but it makes me feel better and changes my frame of mind and allows me to deal with the situation at hand.
Hey Freddie – TELL US MORE about what you say to yourself when you, “spontaneously burst out laughing” at stressful things? This seems like a very healthy way to deal with aggravations to keep them from turning into big problems and I’d love to see a post on using laughter as a stress reducer — maybe you’d like to write a guest post? I mean, I could give it a stab but I suspect you’re already the expert on the idea. Let us know and we’ll give you a way to send it to us.
It always seems to be the “little stuff” that sends me into that “GRRRRRRRR” momment…like a bad hair day! I guess that’s cuz the “big stuff” has pushed me to the edge and I just need a “little stuff” nudge to send my “tude” toppling! I used to growl, stomp my foot and throw the brush when my third try at a good hair day failed. Rediculous, YES…but all that drama did serve a purpose. It was a polite warning to hubby to stay away…for a little while at least!!! I’ve now learned to take a deep breath and walk away from the brush (or, any other “little stuff” trigger)…kinda like a self imposed “time-out”. I would distract myself with another necessary 10-15 minute task (putting on my “face”, gathering my laptop & files for the day or other such low wattage activities). Then, I’d take another deep breath and try again for the good hair day! By then I’d usually changed my perspective on what would constitute a good hair day, TODAY!!! With a new attitude and expectation of the end result, I would give it one more try…98% of the time, resulting in success. Seems superficial, but a good hair day can really get me on the right track so it’s always worth one more try!!! And, if it fails AGAIN…it’s time to put on the “Rose Colored Glasses” and throw the hair up in clips cuz there’s work to be done ~ DAMNIT!!!