by: Tambako the Jaguar

Life is always challenging. Sometimes the challenge is invigorating and sometimes it is draining. When I was younger, I saw every challenge as an opportunity. I believed that if you were smart and worked hard, you would eventually prevail. I was lucky… and naïve.

I should have known better. My maternal grandmother died of breast cancer when my mother was 17. She had been sick for four years. Despite that history, it’s taken me 50-some years to learn that not everything can be fixed with hard work and smarts.

I guess this is the essence of a “mid-life crisis”, meeting life as it is, not as you want to believe it is. I’ve always struggled to be positive – I’m a natural pessimist. Now the challenge is to be positively realistic.

Added to the mix are the mood swings that come with menopause. Some days I’m REALLY positive and then I’m REALLY in the dumps. It’s the unpredictability of it all. The other day my business partner and I had a great win, but I couldn’t work myself up to care. It should have been a GREAT day, but I missed it.

Balancing Out the Moods

We work so hard at caring for others that taking care of ourselves requires a deliberate decision. Parents are expected to be care givers: homework, lunch for tomorrow, laundry, letting your teenager yell at you because you’re “safe.” Decide what is essential for YOU to stay on an even keel and then set a boundary.

My neighbor, Patti, has three teenage daughters… and a boxer (dog). Every evening, a group of us have what we call the Dog Park and Wine Bar in one of our front yards. This is a time when we get together and let the dogs play while we talk. There are some disadvantages to Dog Park, but one of the advantages is that we get a chance to take a break from our lives and spend time in a social environment. When she doesn’t have other commitments, Patti brings Bubbles. Her teenagers protest. “She’s JUST a dog!!!” said as only a put-upon teenager can say it. What they don’t get is that Patti needs adult interaction and a break from teenagers as much as Bubbles needs to play.

What works for me is a reading break. Sometimes reality is just too real. I want to escape into a good book or a trashy novel. Somehow, it feels like meditation to me. At some point, I will naturally want to return to the “real world.” Then I put the book away, take out the duster or turn on the computer and get back to it.

Your turn: What works for you? How do you balance out your moods? How have you created some personal time? If you haven’t already made some time for yourself, how could you find some time for you?