photo credit: Webbaliah

I be grumpy this morning.  It’s one of those days when the whole world seems prickly; seems like everyone I encounter is a bit sharp and sensitive – me especially.  It’s like wandering my way through a huge old, rocky patch of prickly pear cactus – desperately uncomfortable and a bit scary!  Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Once, many years ago, I arrived home from work (we were a 2-job-family with middle-school kids back then) and, as I came in the front door, my husband and I were instantly quarrelling, squabbling really, but clearly we were ready for a fight!  And in my frustration, I threw the newspaper at him.  OMG!  Thankfully, the sun-worn rubber band broke and the paper fluttered to the floor mid-arc.  (And thankfully, I didn’t throw the briefcase in my other hand!)

photo credit: limulus

Anyway…

I abruptly turned, stalked back out the door, argumentative and angry – but I didn’t know why and I didn’t have a clue where I was going to go.  Within seconds I arrived at the conclusion that I wanted to be home not driving around aimlessly angry.  So I turned, walked back in, and opening the door, I dramatically and spontaneously blurted out, “Hi.  And how was your day???”  And miracle of miracles, we both burst out laughing.  And everything was once again right with the world.  Whew.  What a relief.

I can think of oh so many ways this moment could have gone bad.  Only a willingness to laugh at ourselves saved the day.  I really don’t know where either the throwing of objects or the self-deprecating humor came from.  But there it was.  Thank God for giving me the good grace and inclination to follow my wish to be home.  And for giving my husband a willingness to start over.

Then again, perhaps we should take more credit for the save.  Author Martin Seligman in Learned Optimism, warns us that when we attribute wins and losses to “fate”, we risk falling into the pessimistic habit of “learned helplessness”.  So I guess we should give ourselves credit for being able, in that critical moment, to bounceback from the start of an evening-going-bad and somehow, someway, finding a different, more resilient way to respond to the prickles!

Pick Your Battles

As we all work our way through these difficult times, there are battles we can win by fighting and there are battles we can win by laying low and waiting for the right strategy and time to fight the good fight.  I reached this resilient conclusion by learning a hard lesson, taught to me by a very unhappy business transaction and the savvy businessman who afterward counseled me, “He who holds the gold, rules.” … and … “Never wound a king.”’  Which means, if you can’t WIN, don’t shoot at the person who holds the power.  Live to fight another day by acknowledging your current power position (or lack thereof) and withdrawing from the fight while you search for better, winning strategies.  And channel your energy where you CAN win.

And Sometimes, We Can Use Humor to Get Ourselves Out of a Pickle

photo credit: sillysocks

I guess, if I’m gonna be prickly today, I’ll try channeling my energy into something that needs me to be “sticky” – I’m thinking Velcro-me , prickly and stickly!  What things in my life do I need to stick with until I can wrestle them down? Where can I find a WIN for today? And what changes in myself do I need to make to WIN?  (A less grumpy mindset might help!) I will try to get through this grumpy-me-day with learned optimism instead of learned helplessness.  After all, even the prickly cactus grows pretty roses and sweet, juicy pears among the thorns!

How have you changed the outcome of a prickly day?  Share your story so we all can learn!