Sometimes I am amazed at the people around me. The resilience that they show every day is an inspiration, while I feel as if I plod thru my day. They probably feel as if they plod too, but they seem to be soaring. Morning is not my time of day. Most evenings I keep going ’til at least midnight. So, don’t expect me to be up and energetic in the early morning (I’m up, just not necessarily moving quickly). To get moving, I tend to turn on the TV. I know that most people listen to the early morning shows as they get ready. Me, I listen to CNBC – until they’re just repeating themselves, and then I usually move on to my previously recorded News Hour with Jim Lehrer. Once my brain starts moving, my body usually follows.

Despite my best attempts, there are days that I arrive at work EXHAUSTED! Which is why I am so impressed by the energy level I see out of working mothers (a term which could be considered redundant). If you have children and work outside the home, by the time you’ve shown up on the job, you’ve already gotten the kids up, dressed everyone and gotten them out the door to school, camp or day care. Considering that just getting me up, dressed and out the door with everything I need is a real challenge, I marvel at how mothers not only pull this off every day but manage to show up at work projecting calm professionalism – they’re a whole different person.

Successful Transitions

One approach to creating this alternative persona is to create positive rituals (habits) around the transition from frazzled, exasperated mother to calm professional. In The Power of Full Engagement, Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz say that as much as 95% of what we do occurs automatically. Brain research shows that activities actually create impressions in the brain. The more an activity is repeated, the deeper the impression. For the good stuff, exercising every day, this is great news. The more you exercise, the more you will be apt to exercise. Your brain will create a positive rut. (No that is NOT an oxymoron!)

By creating positive rituals we train ourselves to repeat positive behaviors while not having to think about them. You may already have behaviors that tell your brain that it’s time to transition from one role to another. When Ellie and I had been discussing this, she kept insisting that I must have some rituals that I wasn’t even aware of. I, being a somewhat stubborn person, insisted that I didn’t have any rituals. After we talked for a while, I realized I have one powerful ritual that works for me on multiple levels.

When I am serious about working on creating, I tend to make myself a pot of coffee. Now some of you are thinking – caffeine, not good. In some cases you would be right, but for me, during allergy season, coffee is better than any drug. Coffee clears my head, literally. But the other good part of a ritual is that your brain develops a way of interpreting what is going on. For my brain, sitting at the computer with a cup of coffee tells it that it’s time to get to work. And amazingly, it does.

Transitioning to Relaxation

Positive rituals can help us to transition out of work too. Sometimes the problem we have is that being at work reminds us just how much we need to get done and how little time we have to do it. So, although we physically leave work, we don’t mentally leave. We get in the car because we have to pick up the kids by 6:00 and we get on the cell and keep working. No doubt there are times when this is necessary. The trick is to develop a positive ritual that establishes de-stressing as the default behavior. Having created the new ritual, we will use that behavior unconsciously and only stay involved with work because we need to.

How can you de-stress while driving in heavy traffic, preoccupied with work? For me, one approach is to put on high energy music and sing along – maybe even sort of dance along (It looks weird, but if you’re alone in the car, who cares?). When you get to where you pick up the kids, you are projecting an entirely different mood than if you had worked the whole way. If it’s a long drive, maybe you want to work part of the way and then turn on the radio or pop in a CD 10 minutes before you get to your destination.

When I took a train to work, I’d work on the ride into the office and read something I wanted to on the way home. By the time I got home, I was involved in the book and had left the stresses of work far behind. Again, the mood you project is much better than if you have worked the whole way home.

The Best Part

After all is said and done, the result will be a smoother and happier evening at home with your family. When we don’t choose to transition from one activity to the next, we often end up treating our co-workers like children and our children like our co-workers. Positive rituals help us to set boundaries on our different roles in life. They signal our brains as to what to expect and they save our energy. When we don’t have to think about what to do, we save ourselves for concentrating on things that require concentration.

Think about it. What rituals/habits help you navigate your day? What ritual would you like to add?