photo credit: P.J.P

In [people who are] producers, loafing is productive; and no creator, of whatever magnitude, has ever been able to skip that stage, any more than a mother can skip gestation.

— Jacques Barzun*

* (I’m happy to report that loafing worked for Jacques as he was born in 1907 and still seems to be among the living. – PattiAnn)

A week ago I wrote about the 5 Signs That it’s Time to Take Time for You – largely because I am feeling in need of a break.  So, what was the major event in my life last week?  Adopting a kitten.  To be honest, the two just don’t go together.

Although he’s a sweetie, he’s very demanding, and like all very young creatures, in need of attention – the attention he would have gotten from his mother, but which now falls to us to provide.  Admittedly, this is a short-term requirement, but it feels like a lot more than it is because I already felt that I needed a break.

Mixed Blessings

Malibu (that’s the name that was picked by the neighborhood because he was found in the engine compartment of a Chevy Malibu) may be the classic definition of a mixed blessing.  It is his joy and curiosity about the world around him that has him reminding us of all the wonder in the world.  It is also his joy and curiosity that has us scrambling to keep him away from things that we never thought would be dangerous.

Example:  He has developed a fascination with the timer we use to turn the lights in the fish tank on and off.  That wouldn’t be a big deal except that he’s figured out how to pull the clips that that control the time settings off of the timer.  Then he tries to eat them.  I think it’s just a “baby’s” attempt to put things in his mouth, but if he succeeded, he’d probably choke.

On the other hand, he just came over and demanded that I pick him up.  He’s never done that before and it is an encouraging sign of increasing domestication.  The second I picked him up, he started purring – the reason humans get kitty cats.  While he was purring, he tried to bite my chin and my finger.  Since he bit me yesterday, I was wise to his tricks and quickly figured out that although I had shown him where his food was, now he couldn’t find it again and he was hungry.  So, super human, transported him from five feet up in space to his little food dish on the floor and he is happily scarfing down everything in his dish.

Responsibilities

As I said before, I’m deep in the bone tired.  Not physically tired, emotionally worn out – tired of being responsible for everyone and everything.  You see, I’m the eldest – and you know what that means – I’m responsible for:

• Protecting the kitten.
• Walking the dog.
• Planning dinner.
• Writing a post.
• Doing whatever needs to get done.

You get the idea.

There’s always something that needs to be done, someone else to consider – and I’ve yet to figure out how to leave them all behind and still be at home.  The steps I outlined in my previous post are all very nice when no one needs anything or I can leave them all behind but someone always needs something and travel isn’t an option right now.

I Want to Run Away From Home

Actually, I just want to not have to be responsible.  I want to sit like a slug in front of the television and watch trashy soap operas or read something with no socially redeeming value; I’d like a few bonbons please; healthy, weight wise meals – on demand; time to go shopping for ME; and an end to spam (this morning there were 465 new, unread emails in my inbox – you HAVE to be kidding, I’m lucky I see the real emails among the trash).  So, although I was hoping to get away, I can’t leave Malibu for a few weeks and I need to find a way to be OK with that.

Out of Service

That’s what I need, an “Out of Service” sign for everyone.  Please, just ignore me (unless you have bonbons or one of the other requested items from the list above).  I’m not here except to be served.

So, I’m going to try an experiment.  I’m going to try giving myself permission to only work if I feel like it; to sit and do nothing; to take my camera, go for a walk (without dog) and take pictures; to bring in take-out if I want it and to defer every decision that doesn’t need to be made right now.  I’m going to try this while I’m at home.  I’ll let you know how it goes.