You know how you feel when everything fits? When you head out into the world in the right outfit that fits just right? It’s like you can do anything, you can take on the world. There’s bounce in your step. There’s nothing worse for your confidence than clothes that don’t fit. Spending your day pulling up your pants or digging your pants out of your ass does not help you exude anything you want to exude.
Sometimes, when we go shopping, we are fooled in the store. Later we find out that the pants stretch too much after wearing them for an hour, or that they bind in a way they didn’t when we tried them on. So we stick to those clothes that fit right because they make us feel the best about ourselves. And sometimes we have to take things back to the store to find the one that fits.
Fitting Into Life
I think life is a little like this, trying things on to see if they fit. We want a life that fits us right, where the sleeves of it all don’t fall in our soup and where we can move freely without feeling bound-up or pinched. Sometimes it means trying on different lives, finding the one that fits just right, the one that makes us comfortable, happy and yet capable of anything – the one that gives you the resilience to enjoy and savor your life.
And sometimes, that means that we have to get rid of things that are too tight, pants that fall down, things that are too long or too short, even if we like the pattern or think the fabric is beautiful. We have to let go of those things that don’t fit right.
We watch fashion shows, we see the glamour and the glitz, the latest trends, what’s in, what’s out. Sometimes what’s fashionable just isn’t right for us, the pointy toes hurt our feet, and we find that last year’s boxy toes and clunky heels are just more comfortable for us.
But it’s not always as easy to find the life that fits, and sometimes it seems easier to hang onto things that don’t fit, simply because we are so used to having them in our life-closet.
Finding What Fits
When life doesn’t fit, I think there are two ways to go, either find a way to fit into your current life or find a new life. For me, the latter is what works best. Finding a new life is not usually something that is done overnight. It takes time, effort and perseverance but it is always worth it in the long run. Finding a new life is a little like choosing a new outfit. You have to combine the right pieces to create a beautiful life ensemble.
For your fashion ensemble, first you need to add the foundation, the basic covering. This could be a skirt and shirt, pants and a shirt, or a dress. To do this for my new life ensemble, I capture a memory of something that brought me joy. It could be a special day, out enjoying life, or the pursuit of a new skill. I then make sure to schedule that into my life as soon as possible. Once I recapture a moment of joy, it is easier to find the other joyful things in my life. The life outfit won’t work if you don’t add a foundation of joy.
The second part of the outfit is when you add the layers: a jacket, a sweater or even a second shirt. I know that many people start a gratitude list. This helps me remember the layers of my life that do fit so I can be sure that they are included in my new life. If you haven’t added a layer of gratitude into your outfit, it can be dull and lifeless with no pop.
Another layer you can add is a new social network. I start seeking out new friends. I find someone at work or on the periphery of my social life and seek them out. I open the gates of friendship and hope that they respond. I have made many great friends this way. This adds a fantastic layer to my life outfit.
Another important accessory is to take a fashion risk. Dream a big dream and figure out the small steps you can take to make it happen. Break it down and keep your eye on the goal. If you are looking at the goal, you won’t even see the obstacles. Big dreams are the pop of color in our life outfit.
After these few changes, I can begin to find more aspects of my life that fit.
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